Finding out

Most of you who might be reading this already know, by this point, that I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Thursday, June 9. Just a brief background: found a lump in early April, had mammogram and ultrasound at end of April. Met with surgeon. Everyone thought it was a benign fibroadenoma. Everyone. 99% benign, they said. I scheduled surgery for May 25 (I still wanted it out, even if it was "benign"!). At surgery, Dr. Pauline Park said that it was harder to get out than was expected, but she was still 99% sure it was benign. I was supposed to hear from her concerning the pathology report, but I never did. On June 9, I had my follow-up appointment with her. I said, you know, I never heard from you. She said, you know, I kept calling the lab and they never got back to me! So, she didn't even glance at the report before coming into the exam room, because as she's talking, she's reading it, and she says, Oh my God, I'm not liking what I'm reading. I say, uh oh. She says, yes. You have a tumor.
So that is one moment I will remember for the rest of my life. I was pretty shocked, and still in disbelief, and sort of thinking that it couldn't be THAT bad, right? But it's bad. Not that it's anything I can't handle. But it sucks, and there's no denying that. More surgery, maybe even more surgery, chemo, radiation... that will be my life for the next few months. But after that, I will be fine.

Now, if you want the diagnosis on the path report, here it is:
Poorly differentiated invasive ductal carcinoma showing HER2 protein over expression by immunohistochemical methods. Tumor cells are negative for estrogen and progesterone receptor expression.
High nuclear and histologic grades. Tumor cells have atypical medullary features.
Aggregate tumor sizes measures 1.5 cm in greatest dimension.

I never would have thought I would be so adept in all this new vocabulary and terminology. The learning curve is huge. It's so much to take in, intellectually, and it's even more physically. I keep wondering how it all happened. I mean, I'm so healthy and I eat right and work out and don't do bad things to my body. I look in the fridge and wonder, peanut butter, did you do this to me? Was it you, soy milk? Is it you, microwave? Philadelphia tap water, are you at fault? But I'll never know. I just believe that being healthy, doing yoga, eating right, are all things that will help me get better.

And ultimately, I am lucky. I have the support of my parents, of Jason, of so many friends and neighbors. I have health insurance! I am moving into an amazing apartment in July. There are so many good things. This is, as Jason says, a speed bump. We'll get past it.