An interview with Rachel's Fears
We are on location inside Rachel's brain, where a number of Fears appear to have set up a picket line, protesting the injustice of having been diagnosed with cancer at age 34. They are not letting Positive Thoughts get through, and emotions have risen like the the flood waters in Louisiana. Today, we sit down with these Fears and try to negotiate with them.
Interviewer: So, let's start by introducing yourselves.
Fear 1: Hi there. I'm afraid of the surgery on Friday, that they'll mess up and there will be a huge, visible, ugly scar.
Fear 2: God, you are SO vain. Speaking of veins, I'm afraid my right arm veins will be useless and I will forever look like a heroin addict.
Fear 3: Give me a break. That is ridiculous. You all are so pathetic. I, however, am afraid that once the port is in, it will become infected, or a clot will develop.
Fear 4: I'm afraid that my doctor and nurses think I'm a total wimp.
Interviewer: Well, it sounds like you're all a bit neurotic, but given the circumstances, you have some valid points. Tell me what you want.
Fear 3: That's it -- we just want to be validated!
Fear 2: Yeah, we just want acknowledgement that this situation totally sucks, and that it's not fair. A little sympathy, you know?
Interviewer: That seems reasonable. Why do you think you're not getting it?
Fear 4: Yesterday, I called my oncologist and blubbered like a fool. He told me to calm down and take an Ativan.
Interviewer: (laughing) You know, he's right!
Fear 4: Yeah, but, but... (starting to tear up)
Positive Thought: (timidly) You know, all these things are just so your treatment will continue and you can cure the cancer. You have to keep that goal in mind!
Fear 1: Eff off! What do you think you're doing here, P.T.? Didn't we tell you to stay in your room?
P.T.: (becoming stronger) Just pointing out that, even though you guys have valid points, sometimes you need to back off, because you're definitely not helping. How about taking a break? Give us guys a chance? Aren't you a little sick of all this yelling and screaming?
Fear 3: Hm. Well, you know, I am getting kinda tired of being on my feet all day long. Would be nice to have a little rest.
Fear 2: (sitting down) If you're down, I'm down too.
Fear 4: (curls up in a ball) Me too.
Fear 1: (staring incredulously at the other Fears, but then, realizing exhaustion, collapses into a chair) Ok, ok, me too.
Interviewer: Excellent! I'm so glad we have come to an agreement!
Positive Thought: (calling out to her friends) Come on guys, we can get through now!
The rest of the Positive Thoughts join our first, brave soldier. They hold hands and sing "Kumbaya," hug some trees, blow bubbles and dance around a maypole. Kidding. They're just all kinda hanging out with the Fears, like one big happy, crazy family.
Interviewer: Our work here is done. Remember, folks, what our friend ol' Winston C. said: "If you're going through hell, keep going."
Interviewer: So, let's start by introducing yourselves.
Fear 1: Hi there. I'm afraid of the surgery on Friday, that they'll mess up and there will be a huge, visible, ugly scar.
Fear 2: God, you are SO vain. Speaking of veins, I'm afraid my right arm veins will be useless and I will forever look like a heroin addict.
Fear 3: Give me a break. That is ridiculous. You all are so pathetic. I, however, am afraid that once the port is in, it will become infected, or a clot will develop.
Fear 4: I'm afraid that my doctor and nurses think I'm a total wimp.
Interviewer: Well, it sounds like you're all a bit neurotic, but given the circumstances, you have some valid points. Tell me what you want.
Fear 3: That's it -- we just want to be validated!
Fear 2: Yeah, we just want acknowledgement that this situation totally sucks, and that it's not fair. A little sympathy, you know?
Interviewer: That seems reasonable. Why do you think you're not getting it?
Fear 4: Yesterday, I called my oncologist and blubbered like a fool. He told me to calm down and take an Ativan.
Interviewer: (laughing) You know, he's right!
Fear 4: Yeah, but, but... (starting to tear up)
Positive Thought: (timidly) You know, all these things are just so your treatment will continue and you can cure the cancer. You have to keep that goal in mind!
Fear 1: Eff off! What do you think you're doing here, P.T.? Didn't we tell you to stay in your room?
P.T.: (becoming stronger) Just pointing out that, even though you guys have valid points, sometimes you need to back off, because you're definitely not helping. How about taking a break? Give us guys a chance? Aren't you a little sick of all this yelling and screaming?
Fear 3: Hm. Well, you know, I am getting kinda tired of being on my feet all day long. Would be nice to have a little rest.
Fear 2: (sitting down) If you're down, I'm down too.
Fear 4: (curls up in a ball) Me too.
Fear 1: (staring incredulously at the other Fears, but then, realizing exhaustion, collapses into a chair) Ok, ok, me too.
Interviewer: Excellent! I'm so glad we have come to an agreement!
Positive Thought: (calling out to her friends) Come on guys, we can get through now!
The rest of the Positive Thoughts join our first, brave soldier. They hold hands and sing "Kumbaya," hug some trees, blow bubbles and dance around a maypole. Kidding. They're just all kinda hanging out with the Fears, like one big happy, crazy family.
Interviewer: Our work here is done. Remember, folks, what our friend ol' Winston C. said: "If you're going through hell, keep going."
posted by Rachel Troxell at 8:19 AM
3 Comments:
...when this is all over I think you have a definite career in Journalism or creative writing of some kind. Best of luck Friday. Keep thinking about your awesome february vacation and about everybody that's routing for you!
In a way, I'm glad you think that getting a port is such an enormous deal, because when you see that it isn't, you'll be very relieved.
Did you know that Arlen Spector talks about having a port? Recalling how gross Lyndon Johnson was when he showed off his abdominal scars, Arlen kept his shirt on during a recent TV interview. I've seen a port and it's not a big, monstrous contraption. (Perhaps you can give it a name just as you did your wig. A naming contest maybe? Hmmmmm)
Fear, anger, resentment -- all perfectly normal. If I were in your shoes, I'd walk down the street , look at the people I pass and wonder "why me?" Answer: because, just because s__t happens to some people and it's not personal.
Thanks for telling us about your feeling through the use of humor.
I think it's great that you give yourself permission to experience the full range of emotion and communicate it with passion and with humor to your friends and family - I look forward to your blog and can't wait till all this is behind you- Love, Eleanor
Post a Comment
<< Home