Down the rabbit hole
Whoever added the Alice in Wonderland comment on the last entry is brilliant! I am starting to feel like this whole experience has that Alice-esque quality to it. My world is turned inside-out. Things are out of control. "Drink me" and "eat me" are daily imperatives. And I've even been shrinking: I had ordered a pair of Gap pants in size 4, which were ridiculously huge, so I exchanged them for a size 2. They came in the mail yesterday and fit perfectly. Size TWO. Curiouser and curiouser. And wasn't there a chapter where Alice lost all her hair? If not, there should have been.
I keep reminding myself that I am in this cycle, caught in a strange loop of one week bad, one week good. It's SO HARD to get through the bad weeks, even though I know that, come Monday morning, I'll be feeling back to my real self. Is that how Alice felt, on the other side of the looking-glass? Knowing she was experiencing crazy things, but knowing too that soon she'd be sitting at the river, waking up from a strange dream. Nothing really changed, and yet, never quite the same again.
I keep reminding myself that I am in this cycle, caught in a strange loop of one week bad, one week good. It's SO HARD to get through the bad weeks, even though I know that, come Monday morning, I'll be feeling back to my real self. Is that how Alice felt, on the other side of the looking-glass? Knowing she was experiencing crazy things, but knowing too that soon she'd be sitting at the river, waking up from a strange dream. Nothing really changed, and yet, never quite the same again.
posted by Rachel Troxell at 8:26 AM
4 Comments:
"....never quite the same again." I think that sums up the whole experience. I know you'll always remember the moment you received your diagnosis as the demarcation between your old life and your new one. Your experiences have changed you but the "new" you brings a whole lot more understanding about yourself and others into the next chapters of your life.
The "old" you was terrific and certainly didn't need this experience. But, if you have no choice, find a good recipe for lemonade!
oops, forgot to sign the last comment.
"All journeys have a secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware."
Martin Buber
one more for good luck
"I crossed over the flood without pushing forward, without saying in place."
"But how, dear sir, did you cross over the flood without pushing forward, without staying in place?"
"When I pushed forward, I was whirled about. When I stayed in place, I sank. And so I crossed over the flood without pushing forward, without staying in place."
Buddha
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