It's back

This is the post I never, ever thought I'd be writing. It's still hard for me to believe and to accept, because I have felt so good for so long. But it's real.

Starting a couple of months ago, I had some pain in my chest, which I thought was nerve pain. It moved around, was intermittant, and went away with an advil. I told Dr. Glick and Carrie (nurse practitioner) about it, and they agreed that it was probably nerve pain resulting from surgery and radiation. However, about a month ago, I noticed that the pain was more concentrated in one area, and that that area was somewhat swollen - a bump. I kept poking it, which of course probably made it worse. Finally, I called Carrie. She said to stop poking it, take advil, and wait two weeks.

I took her advice. But then, a week later, Elizabeth Edwards announced her cancer recurrence. Her description of pain in her rib, coupled with watching Dr. Glick on NBC10 talk about her case, sent me into a spiral of anxiety. I called the hospital emergency number at 8 pm that night. Dr. Glick called back and chastised me for using that number, and said to call the office the next morning and make an appointment to see him the following Monday.

When I saw him that Monday, he looked at it and said he didn't know what it was, that it looked like a prominent sternum, but that we'd have scans done to make sure. He ordered a combination PET/CAT scan for the following Monday (April 2). I had the scan done on Monday this week, and on Tuesday, I got a call from Carrie and Dr. Glick. I was in Whole Foods. Carrie said, We have some news we need to share with you. Are you alone right now? I said, just tell me. They said that the scans came back positive for breast cancer, and that I need to come in immediately. So I called Jason and mom and dad, and we all went over to Penn to hear the report.

The report was not good. The cancer has metastasized into my liver, lungs, bones, and soft tissue. The pain in my chest is most likely a soft tissue tumor. Dr. Glick said there's still treatment, although it's not curable. The goal is to push it into remission. I started an oral chemotherapy called Xeloda on Wednesday, had a brain MRI on Wednesday that thankfully came back clear, had a port put back in yesterday, and will start another chemo next week, called Avastin.

So, I am starting up the blog again, so that I can keep everyone updated. I'm not feeling as humorous and witty this time around, but maybe that will change. I want to be around as long as possible, so I will continue to fight this as hard as I can. In six to eight weeks, I'll have another PET/CAT scan to see if the drugs are working. If they are, I'll stay on them. If not, I'll switch. Dr. Glick says he has a list as long as his arm with possible drugs to use.

I will continue to work and do everything that I love to do. The life that I'm living now is exactly as I want it to be, and I feel lucky in that respect. There is not one thing I want to change. So, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and taking it one day at a time, appreciating everything and taking nothing for granted. It's how I've always lived my life.