Trust

Yesterday's chemo experience was traumatic. My port wasn't working. It happened once before, but after a Heparin push, the blood started flowing. This time, after a few pushes of Heparin and then tPA (an enzyme that breaks up clots), there still was no blood return. And I kept looking at the table next to me that was just stacked with tubes that needed to be filled for the genetic testing. I was freaking out. No way could they get all that blood from my arm. So Marie (chemo nurse) went ahead and gave me the Avastin, knowing that sometimes the flow of fluid will help break up whatever is blocking the port. But then, even after treatment, it STILL was blocked and no blood would flow back. She kept pumping the syringe. I felt like a backed-up a toilet. It was so bizarre. Finally, another push of Heparin and the blood came through. It was agonizing, although not painful. Just totally stressful. The whole time, though, Marie was calm and reassuring. She's seen it many times before. I know I can trust her.

I was sort of dazed the rest of the day. Today, though, I'm feeling better. Got some work done, went to Whole Foods. I saw a woman there with a scarf around her head, with clearly no hair underneath. I always feel the urge to say something, but I never do. I wouldn't really want anyone coming up to me.

Anyway, I did also see Dr. Glick yesterday, and my CT will happen on June 4, but I won't get the results until I meet with him on June 6. Two days of stress. But now, I know I can trust him, too.