On second thought...
It's sort of weird that I've been comparing Taxol to being driven over by a truck, because I really don't know what that feels like. It's an expression that people use quite a bit. In the last couple of months I've heard other variations of it that are meant to demonstrate the statistical unlikelihood of something happening. One example that stands out: my doctor saying that the chances of getting an infection from a port are the same as getting hit by a car.
It's weird, this kind of comparison, because today I met someone - who happens to live in my building - who LITERALLY was hit by a car. A taxicab, actually, that ran a red light.
It's weird because it's such a common simile, to say that x, y, or z is like getting hit by a car. I suppose we use it to get across the idea that something can come at you out of nowhere and completely change your life. Cancer did that to me, metaphorically, and I was under the impression that Taxol was giving me some of physical sensations of that kind of accident. But now, on second thought, Taxol was a walk in the park (which I've actually done, and it's quite pleasant, so not exactly a walk in the park, but maybe a run around the park on a really hot day wearing heavy weights, or something that might make me miserable, but only for a few days).
All this weirdness has made me think about: 1) how I need to be careful about the words I use to describe what I'm going through; 2) how lucky I am that all I have is cancer, and that I wasn't actually hit by something really heavy and really fast, because I think that would really suck; and 3) how even though items 1 and 2 are true, I can see that my experience has truly made me a more empathetic, compassionate person. Not that I was a cold-hearted bitch to start, but maybe I'm learning how to really understand people, how to really listen, how to really care (although I clearly haven't learned how to not split infinitives, which I always thought was a stupid grammatical rule anyway). It's a good lesson - even if it's one that's been thrown at me like a curve ball. Oh, that reminds me: go White Sox!
It's weird, this kind of comparison, because today I met someone - who happens to live in my building - who LITERALLY was hit by a car. A taxicab, actually, that ran a red light.
It's weird because it's such a common simile, to say that x, y, or z is like getting hit by a car. I suppose we use it to get across the idea that something can come at you out of nowhere and completely change your life. Cancer did that to me, metaphorically, and I was under the impression that Taxol was giving me some of physical sensations of that kind of accident. But now, on second thought, Taxol was a walk in the park (which I've actually done, and it's quite pleasant, so not exactly a walk in the park, but maybe a run around the park on a really hot day wearing heavy weights, or something that might make me miserable, but only for a few days).
All this weirdness has made me think about: 1) how I need to be careful about the words I use to describe what I'm going through; 2) how lucky I am that all I have is cancer, and that I wasn't actually hit by something really heavy and really fast, because I think that would really suck; and 3) how even though items 1 and 2 are true, I can see that my experience has truly made me a more empathetic, compassionate person. Not that I was a cold-hearted bitch to start, but maybe I'm learning how to really understand people, how to really listen, how to really care (although I clearly haven't learned how to not split infinitives, which I always thought was a stupid grammatical rule anyway). It's a good lesson - even if it's one that's been thrown at me like a curve ball. Oh, that reminds me: go White Sox!
posted by Rachel Troxell at 6:14 PM
4 Comments:
Go White Sox and GO RACH! You're the best. Keep on splitting those infinitives. Rules are for people who can't think for themselves, and you sure can.
Love,
Maren
Rachel, we would never choose to have a terrible disease so that we could become more compassionate. But this is the lesson: When something terrible happens to us or to someone we love dearly, we need to make something good of a dreadful experience. If we can listen to the pain of others; if we can reach out to those who need support, then we show what illness has taught us.
This blog entry was very moving. Thank you.
Hey Rachel, just a shout from the Netherlands to tell you that we are always thinking about you. We tell Elias all about you and Nikita, and he's excited to meet both of you soon! Oh, and Uncle Jason too!
Love,
Grant, Maria & Elias
Haven't bit hit by a car, but I have been seriously injured in a suicide bombing AND I have had cancer. Which one is worse? Depends on the person, depends on the injuries sustained, depends on prior medical history and current ability to deal with the current medical issue, depends on all sorts of factors. The fact that someone else may have had more or less serious injuries does not help you. Your excellent attitude does though!
Keep it up and congrats on finishing Taxol.
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