Roller coaster

Now almost through my second day post-chemo, I can say that the new pain management system is helping. For the past two nights, I have slept all the way through. It's actually really nice not having to take a pill for the pain - it just releases it automatically and consistently. I still have some pain, but it's nowhere near where it was two days ago. Today I was able to work, and I got to go to Healing Touch. Both of these activities are healing.

So this roller coaster ride continues. I have to admit, during those couple of weeks where I was feeling really good, I had this "Flowers for Algernon" fear. And then I bottomed out. Maybe you have to bottom out before you get another upswing. What fun. I've always hated roller coasters.

The words of Carrie and Dr. Glick keep echoing in my head: "I'm worried." The more I hear that, the more it scares me. But at the same time, I don't want to go down that road, so I'm not going to. My initial reaction is the right one; my instinct has always been pretty good. My liver function tests from two days ago showed that two of the tests actually improved. I still think the abdominal pain has more to do with the steroid. I still think the tumor is dying. And really, I'm not just being falsely optimistic; I really think this is what's going on. I just want to prove it to Carrie and Glick! (The CT scan is going to be in three weeks.)