I was cheated
This was supposed to have been my "good week," my week off chemo. I was cheated.
Starting on Wednesday, I had intense abdominal pain at night and barely slept. I had a fever, went in to have my blood count checked. Everything was fine. Hard to know what to attribute pain to. We decided to go up to the Berkshires on Thursday. The pain continued, the non-sleeping continued. We managed to have some nice moments - the weather was gorgeous. But it was a difficult weekend. Today, the pain has somewhat improved. I'm out of Dilaudid. Chemo is tomorrow. It may be the Decadron doing damage to my insides - it feels like acid reflux, sour stomach, all that stuff. I will ask Glick to begin to taper my dose of the steroid - it's just too intense for me. Wreaks havoc on my stomach and keeps me from sleeping. I'm not sure it's benefit is worth all that.
To top it all off, on Saturday night, just as I was starting to feel better, I slipped down the stairs. Not a major fall - it could have been much worse - but my heels slipped out from under me and I thudded down a few stairs, landing on my left arm and rear end. The pain shot right to my left pectoral muscles (the area that had been radiated, that now has soft tissue tumors). It was so intense. It jarred my whole body, so any area that had been painful before suddenly increased tenfold. It was a huge setback, and I felt like a complete idiot.
So, I'm a bit bitter. I was cheated out of a good week. Even though tomorrow is chemo (all three drugs), I have this feeling that this week will be better. We still haven't figured out the balance, there's still more experimentation to do. I have to say, therefore, I'm looking forward to chemo. Cancer is crazy.
Starting on Wednesday, I had intense abdominal pain at night and barely slept. I had a fever, went in to have my blood count checked. Everything was fine. Hard to know what to attribute pain to. We decided to go up to the Berkshires on Thursday. The pain continued, the non-sleeping continued. We managed to have some nice moments - the weather was gorgeous. But it was a difficult weekend. Today, the pain has somewhat improved. I'm out of Dilaudid. Chemo is tomorrow. It may be the Decadron doing damage to my insides - it feels like acid reflux, sour stomach, all that stuff. I will ask Glick to begin to taper my dose of the steroid - it's just too intense for me. Wreaks havoc on my stomach and keeps me from sleeping. I'm not sure it's benefit is worth all that.
To top it all off, on Saturday night, just as I was starting to feel better, I slipped down the stairs. Not a major fall - it could have been much worse - but my heels slipped out from under me and I thudded down a few stairs, landing on my left arm and rear end. The pain shot right to my left pectoral muscles (the area that had been radiated, that now has soft tissue tumors). It was so intense. It jarred my whole body, so any area that had been painful before suddenly increased tenfold. It was a huge setback, and I felt like a complete idiot.
So, I'm a bit bitter. I was cheated out of a good week. Even though tomorrow is chemo (all three drugs), I have this feeling that this week will be better. We still haven't figured out the balance, there's still more experimentation to do. I have to say, therefore, I'm looking forward to chemo. Cancer is crazy.
posted by Rachel Troxell at 8:02 PM
4 Comments:
Ok, so this definetly sucks, no doubt about it. It's ok for you to feel cheated and frustrated. The good news is it can only get better...right? Good luck with the chemo tomorrow and hang in there! You've got the continued love and support of all of us!
Calling cancer "crazy" is too complimentary. It's cruel and brutal and all other negative adjectives combined. You, on the other hand, are all positive adjectives combined. I wish you a better week.
Anne W.
What a tough week! I'm hoping they get the chemical cocktail mix to work better against the cancer and be easier on you. You optimism is a gift to all those who are following you on this journey. I send you love, caring and the hope that this week will be better than you think.
let's cut to the chase -- f&ck cancer! a better week ahead for sure. sending positive vibes your way and cursing the big C right there with you.
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