And the next step
Miami Beach was beautiful. Our hotel room overlooked the ocean, so each night we slept with the sliding glass door open and listened to the sounds of the waves. The moon was big and bright. My family was all close by, and we enjoyed going to dinner, sitting on the beach, relaxing. My energy level was low, so I spent a good part of the day storing it up to be able to go out in the evening. It wasn't easy to not be able to go for long walks on the beach. I wanted to so much. But I just couldn't. Towards the end of the trip, I started feeling a little worse. I made another one of my clinical diagnoses: the chemo had stopped working. I just felt it.
I went in today to see Dr. Glick, and once again, I was (unfortunately) right: my liver is bigger. The chemo isn't working. In addition, I'm neutropenic and highly anemic, so I got neupogen today (along with Zometa), and I'm getting a red blood cell transfusion tomorrow. Dr. Glick laid out two options for the next chemo: 1) Ixempro, a new FDA-approved drug for late-stage metastatic breast cancer. Doesn't make your hair fall out, but its success rate is only 12-15%; and 2) a combination of Doxil and Cytoxan. Doxil is another form of my most hated and feared chemo, Adriamycin. That's the one known as the Red Devil. It kicked my ass to the corner. The idea of doing this again, plus the fact that it makes your hair fall out, is obviously really displeasing to me. However, the success rate is 25-35%. And it worked the first time, which was years ago. So there's a good probability that it will work again. Only a 10% improvement in exchange for my vanity. Bye-bye hair.
Needless to say, I'm pretty devastated by this. That there are only two options left, that they're going to make me sick, that I'm going to be bald and eyebrow-less, it just makes me cry. It's phenomenally scary. I know that it's important to focus on the good side, that it might work. I hate this though. I hate it all.
I'll probably get the new chemo Wednesday or Thursday next week. It's administered every three weeks, so I'll get Neulasta to help with the white blood cell count.
I'm glad I got to go to Miami Beach, to have a brief respite in the sun. To see the ocean and be with family. It was all totally worth it.
I went in today to see Dr. Glick, and once again, I was (unfortunately) right: my liver is bigger. The chemo isn't working. In addition, I'm neutropenic and highly anemic, so I got neupogen today (along with Zometa), and I'm getting a red blood cell transfusion tomorrow. Dr. Glick laid out two options for the next chemo: 1) Ixempro, a new FDA-approved drug for late-stage metastatic breast cancer. Doesn't make your hair fall out, but its success rate is only 12-15%; and 2) a combination of Doxil and Cytoxan. Doxil is another form of my most hated and feared chemo, Adriamycin. That's the one known as the Red Devil. It kicked my ass to the corner. The idea of doing this again, plus the fact that it makes your hair fall out, is obviously really displeasing to me. However, the success rate is 25-35%. And it worked the first time, which was years ago. So there's a good probability that it will work again. Only a 10% improvement in exchange for my vanity. Bye-bye hair.
Needless to say, I'm pretty devastated by this. That there are only two options left, that they're going to make me sick, that I'm going to be bald and eyebrow-less, it just makes me cry. It's phenomenally scary. I know that it's important to focus on the good side, that it might work. I hate this though. I hate it all.
I'll probably get the new chemo Wednesday or Thursday next week. It's administered every three weeks, so I'll get Neulasta to help with the white blood cell count.
I'm glad I got to go to Miami Beach, to have a brief respite in the sun. To see the ocean and be with family. It was all totally worth it.
posted by Rachel Troxell at 7:50 PM
5 Comments:
rachel -- i'm just so darn pissed right now for you -- i know how strong you are and how hard this is on you, so just keep on fighting. you are loved by so many.
Rachel, we who love you hate it all too. And we don't care if you have hair or eyebrows or anything -we care if you're miserable and afraid and feel sick.
Connie
Well, Rachel, having choices is not all it's cracked up to be. Vanilla or chocolate ice cream? Good. Your choices? Very tough.
I'm so glad you had that wonderful family vacation in Florida. Each time I checked your blog and there was no new entry, I cheered!
As always, wishing your strength.
With love,
Mina
Rachel - this sucks! We're behind you 100% and miss you terribly. Love - Brie, Kevin, and Monte
Rachel,
this totally sucks and is NOT the news I as hoping to read. Nonetheless, you have options that far out weigh,on many levels, not having them. Fight the good fight, my dear cuz and we will all be with you every step of the way. Look at your pictures from this past vacation and pin them up so you will have a constant reminder that it is all soooo worth it. I wish you and your entire a family a happy and HEALTHY New Year.
xoxoxoxo,
Barb
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