End of week status update
Three days post-chemo, and the main side effect is INERTIA. I am extremely tired, and find it incredibly hard to move out of a position that I've been in for more than 30 seconds. I guess that's much better than nausea. But at night, I find it hard to sleep. So go figure. Maybe it's all the sleeping I'm doing during the day.
I'm finding it really difficult to have such a lack of energy. I stare into space, and think, I want to get up and get a glass of water. And my body just won't do it. Two contributing factors are also: 1) water retention, and 2) shortness of breath. My feet and ankles are swollen, and it seems to make my legs heavier - making me less than "light on my feet." The shortness of breath is an issue in a house with 34 steps. Getting up to the bedroom is like climbing Mt. Everest! But I spoke with the nurse today, and she said as soon as the chemo starts kicking in, it'll get better. Yes, it will get better on MANY levels.
I'm happy: because I got my computer back (it had sort of died a week ago, so it was in the shop having the logic board replaced); because Jason just grilled some awesome salmon; because my mother-in-law is visiting; because I love my new wig. And this is not just all "positive mental attitude" stuff. I know it's important, but I have to say, I don't always have one. I think it's most normal to go back and forth between being positive and being totally freaked out. And that's where I am now, hanging in that balance, staring into space, pushing myself to get up and keep fighting. I still have energy for that.
I'm finding it really difficult to have such a lack of energy. I stare into space, and think, I want to get up and get a glass of water. And my body just won't do it. Two contributing factors are also: 1) water retention, and 2) shortness of breath. My feet and ankles are swollen, and it seems to make my legs heavier - making me less than "light on my feet." The shortness of breath is an issue in a house with 34 steps. Getting up to the bedroom is like climbing Mt. Everest! But I spoke with the nurse today, and she said as soon as the chemo starts kicking in, it'll get better. Yes, it will get better on MANY levels.
I'm happy: because I got my computer back (it had sort of died a week ago, so it was in the shop having the logic board replaced); because Jason just grilled some awesome salmon; because my mother-in-law is visiting; because I love my new wig. And this is not just all "positive mental attitude" stuff. I know it's important, but I have to say, I don't always have one. I think it's most normal to go back and forth between being positive and being totally freaked out. And that's where I am now, hanging in that balance, staring into space, pushing myself to get up and keep fighting. I still have energy for that.
posted by Rachel Troxell at 9:55 AM
4 Comments:
I guess with all you've been through you're bound to have ups and downs. You're such an incredibly strong person that when you totally feel freaked out, that feeling surprises you. You always have demonstrated such positive strength in your spirit, your fight and many other things. Don't think of the lack of energy/shortness of breathe as an on-going factor. It's an inconvenience for sure but just a temporary one. The outcome will be so worth this temporary side effect.
Allow yourself not to be the pillar of strength every day.
Think of it as your body taking all the energy to heal you.
Rachel, even on the days you feel weak, you are strong.
Take-Care.
Joyce
Yes, of course it's totally normal to go back and forth between thinking positively and being freaked out. Joyce is right--no matter how weak you feel, you are still strong. I hope each day brings a bit more energy, and that these new drugs get to work pronto to start shrinking those tumors. Thinking of you all the time. Love, Maren
Through it all you're strong enough to let those of us who care about you know how you are doing. Be kind to yourself. Your body seems to need some TLC for the battle ahead.
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